You are never alone

there are times when you feel like you're caught up in a web of problems or troubles, when you feel like you cant be understood by anyone other than ....yourself maybe. When you're tired, fed up and sick of everything. we've all been in that situation at one point in our lives or another. and at that point, we tend to feel alone, but in truth we never are. its either we're drowned deep into our problems that we fail to notice that there are people around who can help and who might be experiencing the same thing and are willing to help. To those who are in this situation, even if you are convinced that there's no one to turn to, there's always God. seek him, have faith and pray to him, and all would turn out right...eventually. Everything happens for a reason and God waits for the right time to show you the reason why those things happened. So just be patient, and your miracle would happen when the time is right. in the mean time, pray and be joyful. God will do the rest :) ♥ xx

wtf is wrong with men?!

WTF??! A fucking stinking short fat big bellied lecturer fuckin made a pass at me! As in wtf! Yes! Its shocking,very shocking! I mean he fucking tried to kiss me eww! Was wondering why he was being all nice sef. Oh my god! *breathes* how. Did I get into this mess ehn? How?

As in tf! I'm still in shock, as in speechless and numb. I've pinched my self a whole lot of times but this...this.. I dnt even knw what to call it... is not fading. Away just like a dream should. I don't even want to believe that what happened to me actually happened. How did I get myself into this ditch sef? I tought this kinda stuff only happened in nigerian movies??

Now he knows my face, name and matric! And I even foolishly gave him my number. But that was before this whole fucked up phase.

Can't men just be satisfied with their wives???!why do they prefer running after young girls?? Mschewww!
Stupid Assholes!

I like him, but he's dating her

Its been close to a year since my pathetic 'relationship' came to a grateful end. And for the first time since then, I think I'm starting to like someone. I like the feeling though, but I'm scared as well.

We are just friends, for now..... He's really cool and fun to hang out with. He's funny and we are free with each other. He says he really really likes me, BUT he has a girlfriend *sigh* annoying right?

Anyways, we went to the movies today, and all I could think of throughout was sitting on his lap all cuddled up, kissing and him touching my soft skin and getting turned on just by the feel of it. My mind wanders a lot yeah, can't help it x) .

On the drive back to my apartment, he said he would love to kiss me and asked if he could. I said no, though that was what had been on my mind all evening, a whole lot more than that actually, I wish he had just grabbed me and kissed me without asking, I fucking hate questions mahn! I wouldn't have stopped him. If he had put his hands under my shirt and touched me, I wouldn't have stopped him. If he had taken off my bra and sucked my nipples, I wouldn't have stopped him. But he didn't, and I was left unsatisfied and horny! Quite frustrating yeah *breathes out*

We still talked later on after we parted. I donno, but with every passing second I like him even more. I remember asking him if he could date two girls, and he said he never had and never thought he would. He said he could just have the other girl as a "close friend" cuz calling her the 'side chick' would be disrespectful. Yeah, of course!. And I know if we start having something, I would be that "close friend" and I don't want to be that girl , so now I don't know what to do. I should just bury the feelings up inside right? Yeah, that's what I would do *deep sigh* see why I hate emotions?!



Bloggers note: please forgive all improper words used and all ... woteva bleh! My mind isn't here jor....

Grades and shit!

I just checked my results, my grades are fuckiin low mehn! As in shit! I was discussing with the faculty adviser and he took my dad's number which means I am in trouble, I'm in deep shit. Everything is so fucked right now. My grades are in the trash.. And if I don't improve, I would be kicked out which cannot happen or else I might be disowned.

I know I wasn't serious in the previous semester, and I expected bad grades . Luck wasn't with me because the grades came out worse. I cannnot stay in this fucked up school longer than I'm meant to. And if I don't improve this time, I'm goin to be here for a fucking long time. I may not be into books and I might be lazy. But I always make sure I never fail to an extent where I have to take classes with the juniours cuz I did not pass a course. That's fuckin embarrsing, besides I cant let my haters and enemies laugh at me that aint gonna happen!

So even if I'm still going to skip some classes, I have taken things personal. I'm goin to work harder, study more and relate better with my mates. No more wasting free time, no more spending time doing absolutely nothing. I know I aint dumb, my IQ is a fucking 140! So Wth! That might be low, but I know a whole lot of people who would fuck asses to have such an IQ, so don't you say nothing!

I do hope I improve this semester! Or I'm gonna be soooooooooo fucked up! I'm better than my results, I know that. So nobody should go around thinking I'm a dumb ass chick, cuz they gonna get a shocker when they see what I can do. Especially all these bitches sleeping around and gettin good grades, then coming to flaunt it in my face! Fuck 'em all! ....... in the end, I'd still be their BosS in Future! So fuck it!

Have I really changed?

I got a call from my best friend last night,
And this was the first thing she said to me.;

BFF : "Chocolate, you have changed.

Me : how?
BFF : I don't know, you've just changed. Just like Kevin.
said you would
(Kevin was our close guy friend back in high school)

I didn't understand her, but I wondered if I really had.

I'm pretty sure she said that because I hardly ever call, and I have lost contact with all my friends from high school. Its not my fault, is it? I'm in a new place now. new people, new friends, more work to be done, less time for pleasantries and catching up. Its hard to keep up with all of them due to a lot of things.

Though I feel really bad that I haven't been able to keep up with everyone, but I can't do everything at once. I can't face college , and college friends, and at the same time keep in touch with high school friends.

But the questions still remains; have I really changed? Have I become that person I never expected? Have I turned into that uncaring and unfriendly person people said I would turn into?. I hope not, I hope it isn't true. I hope my friend was not serious when she said that. It would be terrible if it were true. I sincerely hope it isn't

useless

i feel wasted, i feel like i have no value. i feel unserious and useless. i'm in my room doing nothing when i should be in school. i don't know when that desire to school in me died and i won't blame my circumstance on the devil, and i wont say i'm a victim because i am not. Everything i do, i do it cuz i want to and this is not different. but i do not know why i just suddenly lost interest in everything related to my schooling.

This is a terrible thing, i wouldn't want to be a useless person in future, i wouldn't want to be a liability to anyone. i wouldn't want to be looked at as shit. Every time, i lie on my bed my eyes closed but i'm still conscious and i know i should be studying, but i never do. instead i just pick up something foolish to do. i want to call it a curse, i want to say that my enemies are at work. i believe they are.

if someone asked me "when was the last time you went to the chapel?" i would have no answer because i can not remember. My mum is a strong believer in God. She always encourages me to pray which i never do. Now i'm having a rethink, i need God in my life. I need him to help me and to be my guide and my comforter. i need Jesus to save me from this spirit. I want to pray, i need to. but when ever i kneel and open my mouth, nothing comes out. i'm going to keep trying. so help me God

The last for tonight...

Its nearly dawn, yet I haven't been able to close my eyes. Sitting at my window staring at the starless sky, dark and empty. Cars are still driving about the streets, horns are still blaring. This is where I live, a place that never completely sleeps. I think of my life and how empty I feel right now. I think of how very much alone I am, and how much I wish for someone to lean on.

This night has been a lot about my emotions. They're gradually leaking, coming out from that bottle where I carefully put them. They're forcing themselves out regardless of my objections. And I'm still trying to stop them.

I need sleep so fucking bad. I've had very little of it in the past few weeks. I'm even starting to see things. I should blame my lack of sleep for it though. I like to take short strolls along the corridors of where i stay, and sometimes, I think I see people, and hear voices. Like they're trying to pas a message, but that's not possible right? .. I thought so too.

My dear diary and friend, I'm leaving here now, I would try to sleep. ... Wish me a good nights' rest.
I sign out.

Emotions..

I could spend hours, maybe even days just writing about my feelings and emotions. But I think I'm still yet to get to that stage when they shall all overflow. All the emotions I've kept bottled up for so long, all the feelings I've kept hidden, enclosed in a place where no one could reach. All the lies I told just to hide how I truly feel, and even the lies I still tell.

Most times, that's just the best way to live one's life. Emotions cripples you, makes you weak and vulnerable. It confuses you and leaves you clueless. And that isn't even what scares me. What scares me is getting hurt, what scares me is en trusting my heart to someone and then having them break it. If only I could be sure, if only I could get proof that whoever I gave my heart to would cherish it and keep it guarded.. Away from pain and sadness.

But promises aren't what they used to be. Gone are the days when promises were debts, gone are the days when promises were almost as strong as vows. Now promises are just mere lies,series of lies wrapped in bows and put in coloured boxes. They no longer mean anything, they no longer stand for anything, promises aren't worth anything no more!

Therefore, I can't take that risk. I'm not even willing to. I give up on relationships. I hardly ever find guys that tickle my fancy these days. I don't know if I am the one not willing to find, I don't know if I'm the one not ready to 'mingle'...or maybe I know, but I'm not ready to admit. At least not just yet.

i'm just lonely

I'm so fucking bored right now, my room mate is out clubbing and I'm left alone. I would have gone with her, but the mood isn't even there. Right now i wish had a boyfriend I could call. I'm in need of some love at this moment. I'm listening to slow songs trying to console myself,trying to feel better, but it isn't even helping one bit!

I need to kiss someone now, I need to ravage someone's body, and fuck him till he begs me to stop. Its been ages since I was touched by a guy. How I crave that right now! How I crave hands on my boobs and fingers stroking my inner thighs... I want all of that now.

I would have to go to bed hungry and wanting because I know my cravings can't be satisfied. If only most guys weren't asses, maybe I would have a boyfriend, and maybe I would be with him now, and maybe I won't be thinking about my ex and how he would gladly satisfy my wants if only I asked.

Its unfortunate, but I'm not the type to 'go back to my vomit' as girls usually say. So I would just want and want and maybe I'd eventually die of wanting! This is really disorientating!

Here's to

I miss the past, and all the people who were apart of it. I miss the people who claimed to care about me, when deep down, I knew as well as them, that they didn't. I miss the way things used to be. It's a known fact, which I was aware of, but I didnt want to believe it, not like how I do now, I've finally realized; people always leave

Here's to being lied to, to being walked on, used, promised something and fed bullshit. Here's to getting your hopes up and watching them fall time after time after time. Here's to trusting over and over again because you really wanted to believe that he's changed. Now take this as a lesson learned. Let him go and move the fuck on with your life

Confessions, Apologies and Facts

1. i'm sorry for getting upset over the tinyest of things. 2. i wish everyone saw me for who i really am 3. i may not be the best friend in the world, but when you need me, i'll always be there. 4. i'm sorry i can't make up my mind. 5. we fight all the time, and bitch eachother out. but i know that at the end of the day, you'll always be there. 6. i sometimes dream about being miley cyrus or megan fox, because everyone knows they're beautiful. 7. seven things i hate about you. 8. i hate the way other girls look at you. 9. i hate the way you look at me. 10. i hate watching your stupid football games, and wishing that touchdown was for me. 11. i hate your eyes. 12. i hate your friends. 13. i hate the way you always just walk away. 14. i hate your smile the most. 15. i know "hate" is strong word. i know. because hitler used hate against the jews. i know that. and i h a t e using that word. 16. i'm still growing. 17. i really don't like the "n" word. 18. harveys vegetarian burgers. check dat shit out. 19. i'm sorry for not giving you the chance you deserved. 20. i hate you. 21. i want an iphone with all my heart. 22. i've never been anybodies. 23. i wish we could stay at elementary forever. 24. one tree hill is thee most amazing show in the world. 25. i'm sorry for chirping you..alot, but your so easy to chirp and everyone hates you. 26. i'm sorry for that too ^ 27. i wish i was a little be taller, i wish i was a baller, i wish i ahd a girl who looked good i would call her LOL jk im a giant, and im ballin', and im not a lesbo. 28. my middle name is marie. 29. i like fashion alot. 30. i've always been awesome at lying. 31. my grammer and spelling isn't always as good as it is now ^. 32. i passed science with a 54, i gotta feeling it was because my teacher loved me. 33. the worlds gonna blow up in 2012. period. 34. i think its weird when pretty girls call themselves ugly to get attention. 35. i goto a school,that everyone thinks is dirty. but its not, its awesome. 36. i wish my hair was like brooke's from oth. 37. i also wish i was married to james franco. 38. i'm sorry you dont talk to me anymore. 39. i hate how i can't please you 40. i hate you, actually thats a lie. i hate myself. i'll never be good enough for you. 41. everyone will always be prettier. 42. i like to believe that i dont care what people think, but thats all i think about. 43. if you really knew me...LOLjk i'd never let you inside my head 44. no ones ever really there for me 45. but maybe its because i make them think that i dont need them. 46. i want bleach blonde hair and tan skin. 47. i'm sorry for not being tall enough, strong enough or good enough. 48. i really love the veggie delite from subway 50. everyone has the same fear,the fear of being alone. 51. nobody puts me down as much as you do. 52. i act tough, but with every word you say,i'm breaking on the inside 53. i only hate you because your pretty. 54. i wish when i hung out with you i felt just as confident as you feel. 55. my friends are bitches, they dont get me. 56. this entire time i've been thinking of something good to say about myself. 57. i dont know how to but i'll try,i've never thought of a life without you. but nowi know i should be grateful for everyday with you. 58. liking stuff on facey is really annoying. 59. i wish i could sing. 60. actually i wish i could do something important. 61. the beggining of tarzan, when its dark and sad, and theres a tiger wanting to eat tarzan. makes me cry. 62. i wish i could say more truthful stuff, personal stuff. but i know people who know about this site. and i dont want em' to know 63. sometimes i get so fed up, i can't even look at myself 64. some people think it may be easy being me, just stand still and look prettyy . < love. those. lyrics. 65. i'm 5'11 - 6'0 and im still growin' lucky me. 67. i kind of want to say i'm sorry, but I want you to say it first 68. i don't have the slightest clue about what I want to do with my life but I am one hundred percent sure on what I know I don't want to do 69. i wish i had someone. 70. i wish my parents gave me more freedom. 71. i'm sorry but i will never be , who you want me to be. 72. i never said i didnt need you. 73. my hair can't be tamed. 74. i wanna be recognized for the good i do in the world. 75. some days i just like to swing, i liek to sit on a swing and let go of everything. my regrets that haunt me, my fears that hold me back and the dreams that would come true. i let go of it all, and swing. 76. i feel this exact same way when i'm on a boat goign really fast. because all you really think of is the wind blowing threw your hair, you don't think. 77. i forgive and i forget..usually. 78. i'm sorry for taking you for granted. 79. " you're the best thing thats ever been mine" LOL jk.i have no body. 80. your so damn fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. jsyk. 81. highschool. 700 days, of what? living, loving learning? you learn more about life in highschool than any otehr part of your life. you learn to live, and learn to live with no regrets. you find new friends, and you love them. but its 700 days.and when those 700 days come you won't be with thos friends you love, you'll be following your dreams and they'll be following theres, hopefully taking the lessons of highschool with you. but while your in highschool for 700 days, make it last.make it the best days of yoru life. be in highscool with the people you want to be with. because those 700 days go by really fats. 82. sweetie, the best part of you was never him. 83. i say shit i dont mean alot, but you hun have to build a bridge and get over it and stop being such a whiney two faced bitch, sounds good?thanks. 84. it's okay that you don't want me, really its okay.your not the first, and sure as hell not the last. 85. in this weird, twisted way i know you miss me. not because i want to believe it; but because you know you'll never find a girl that will put up with you like i did. 86. you're not oaky, and theres nothing wrong with saying so. you dont always have to say "i'm fine". you can tell people you trust that you're not okay. but if you don't trust anyone, then who are you going to tell? 87. it's not all that bad being alone. 88. what is love? i'll let you know when i find it. 89. i'm sorry, but the idea of you, was way better than you. 90. formspring.me LOL jk i don't care what you think. 91. i wish summer was endless. 92. mylifeisho.com. check it out. 93. i'm livin life one day at a time. 94. i miss making forts in the backyard with my little brother. 95. i miss summer in the 90's . i miss the smell of summer, and freedom, forgetting completly that your first day of kindergarton was coming up. 96. i wanna live liek music. i wanna live like a good song, a song that no one will ever forget. 97. i'm sorry for the walls i built. 98. i'd appreciate it if you left your slutty-ness at you're corner, you hoe. 99. i got ninety-nine problems, and they all bitches. 100. i don't like people who are fake around me. 101. i'm in love. with a sport. but i dont get recognized for being good, because someone in my fam is better. 102. my front tooth goes over the other one..just a bit. i want fucking braces. 103. i wish i was more outgoing to people i just met. 104. i'm sorry we didnt talk for a year.it's my biggest regret. 105. my biggest weakness is new york fries and gravy. but now i'll just have to stick with my veggie delite at subway. 106. i usually look past what people say about others, and get to know them myself. then realizing there just as awful as everyone says 107. i wish i was as confident as other people. 108. i talk too much shit. 109. you're looking like a tool not a baller,you're acting like a slut why bother? 110. i have a dog his name is jeffrey and i love him so much. 111. i guess it's over due, but im over you. 112. don't get me wrong being with someone is probably awesome, i just don't have anyone and probably never will. 113. i just really want to be worth the fight. 114. i know i sort of pushed you away. but even if i hadn't ,i doubt you would have stayed. 115. my heart can't take this anymore. 116. i'm so sick of everyone. 117. i want you to know this because your one of the only people who has every really been just like me, i know your hurting. i know its hard and its really tough.and i mean really tough.but i dont want you turning to drugs and alchohol to hide that pain. 118. guys should think girls are pretty on the inside. 119. i honestly can'twait for this volleyball season. 120. good is just a word we use to hide what we're really feeling. 121. i ahve friends, hell i have alot. but i feel so lonely most of the time, because nobody is ever there. 122. you could do much better than me, after all the lies that i made you believe. 123. the future is yours kid. 124. loves not a weapon. yea it pushes you around, and it usually takes your heart , throws it to the ground and stumps on it. but it has good morals and good intentions. its just getting you ready for the fight. love helps us survive. 125. somedays i dont feel like trying and i just wanna give up. 126. Eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. - Marilyn Monroe 127. i should have given up on you.. a long time ago, i should've yelled crew you. because you treat me like shit. but i stuck with you. and i still do, i dotn know why but i do. and i hate myself for it, i just wanna be over, with you and all this, i wanna give up so bad. 128. i miss elementary school, just colouring with no purpose, learning new things that youve never known. but now you have to do things for a purpose , and that purpose is your future and now everything youre learning is just advanced. and it sucks. 129. miss you. 130. second chances matter. 131. i'm sorry for not being myself. 132. youre bad for me, and i should stay away but i just cant 134. i wish you would forgave me for the shit i apperently said about you, but youre stubburn and you wont. 135.im sorry for pushing you away,hinestly, you were good to me and i ruined it. it was never your fault. 136. veebz is the best thing thats happened to me so far. 137. youre too good to me... 138.

When I say I'm ugly..

I’m serious. At times, don’t get me wrong, I think I’m a bit decent looking. But overall, I think I’m so unattractive. I’m not fishing for compliments. There are so many stunning girls, I can’t even compare. Whatever they do, whether it’s making silly faces,anything, they’re still pretty while doing it. Fuck. I wish I were more appealing. Honestly. 

My head, My heart

I loved how his eyes closed whenever he kissed me.
And whenever I was away from him, I loved how he missed me.
I loved the way he treated me, tenderly and with care.
I loved how his heart beat whenever I held him.
I loved how he always thought of me without being told to.
I loved the way his touch was always heavenly...
But, most of all I loved how he loved me.

It hurts to know he may never again be mine.
it hurts that we had to breakup.
It hurts that I may not get to see him as often as I like.
that I may not get to hold him in my arms all through the night.

And whenever i see him kissing that other girl,
My head says "who cares?"
but then my heart whispers,"you do, stupid..."

sweet revenge

I should have listened to his friends when they told me not to get involved with him, but I was young and stupid, and the bad boy seemed appealing. We had a casual thing going for a short time; when I say casual, it was all on his terms, he was the one who wanted casual. He revealed very little of himself; I thought he was dark and mysterious, but it turns out that he was just a lying, cheating, self-absorbed wanker!

When I tried to get a little more serious, he shut me down, ignored me, didn't call. I assumed that it was over. He had never given me an explanation, so I had no understanding of what had gone wrong. I discovered later that he actually had a pregnant girlfriend, and unbeknown to me, I was the 'other woman!'

We used to frequent some of the same clubs and pubs, so even after being dumped I would still occassionally see him (and ignore him) across a dimly lit room. Every time I saw him, he would ask for his 'things' back, (over the course of our 'courtship' he had left quite a few clothes at my place). One particular evening before going out with my friends, I put his clothes, all his custom t-shirts, in the boot of my car; I had every intention of giving them back to him if/when I saw him later. Sure enough there he was in all his arrogant unglory, and sure enough, he looked at me and grunted something in my general direction about me returning his clothes. I walked out to the carpark, took his clothes out of my car, and put them in a pile on the ground. My best friend and I laughed and cried as we set a match to his precious possessions and watched them go up in flames! We waited until they were a mere mound of ashes, which I then collected in a glass jar. Taking the jar inside the pub with me, I spied him standing at the bar with all his friends gathered around. I walked over to him, slammed the jar full of ashes down on the bar in front of him and exclaimed "There's your fucking clothes!!!" Needless to say he was stuck for a quick comeback. I turned and walked away as his friends, struggling to hide their amusement, roared with laughter!

To the serious side

I have just realized something very interesting about how serious I take my lovers, but more importantly how serious I take my break ups. I don’t choose to be so dramatic; my mind just seems to go in the direction of depression and self-loathing when love fails. It’s as if I were predisposed to depression after an intense emotional relationship. I wonder if anyone else has come to this conclusion about his or her post-love state of being? Am I the only one in this world who feels destitute at the end of a relationship? Maybe I should develop a fallout out plan for myself, which I can follow like a nuclear threat document. A step-by-step guide to ending a relationship might be the only way I will survive my next love. Instead of making enemies with my ex-lovers, which I always seem to do, maybe a goal oriented document which I use as a daily reference, can lead me on the path of, dare I say, friendship? The steps to such an instructional manual would read as follows:
1. No! Whatever you are thinking right now is wrong.
2. Breathe.
3. You are making assumptions out of your emotional disfigurement which only have superficial relevancy to YOUR well-being.
4. Stop making universal conclusions about this breakup.
5. Smile if you know what’s good for you.
6. It’s not the end of the world, unless you kill yourself.
7. Breathe again.
8. Now is the time for you to turn to your friends without embarrassment to ask for their help and support. Don’t worry, that’s what they’re there for.
9. You are going to get through this, if you want to.
10. Stop blaming yourself, even if it was your fault. Shit happens, people separate, new loves are conceived, and yes, people die alone.
11. People dying is a metaphor; get used to it buddy.
12. Find something beautiful today, even if it is something minuscule or temporary.
13. Keep fucking breathing asshole.
14. Do you really think God has time to get vengeance on you? No! God didn’t do this to you and neither did the devil. Remember, shit happens.
15. Crying is natural. Don’t hold in your emotions. That shit can kill you.
16. Someday, I promise you, you will laugh again. Even if it’s a macabre ironical laugh on your deathbed; you’ll still crack a lame ass death-grin.
17. You may never find another person like this one. But why would you want to anyway? If things didn’t work out the first time, they sure as hell won’t work out the second time.
18. Go watch the sunrise. Then go watch the sunset. Now think about home many people saw the same thing. You are not alone.
19. Stop winging about your loss. If you don’t smile, I’ll beat a smile into you.
20. Be nice to yourself. You’re all you have in this world now.

In conclusion, if you’re still feeling suicidal, sad, lonely, depressed, unnerved, restless, demonic, etc., feel free to punch things like walls and cars. However, just know, walls and cars don’t care about you, just like your ex lover. They will hurt you ten fold. Good luck, stay sharp, stay smart and remember, BREATHE ASSHOLE.

As you can tell, our breakup damaged me pretty badly, and I can only imagine how horrific the next breakup for me could be. In fact, the fear of what’s to come inhibits me from pursuing the thought or action of finding a next love. In terms of emotional connections with other humans, especially women, I’ve been recluse, almost to an extreme agoraphobic state.

-Silly me

Positive outlook

This year has been by far the most challenging battle I’ve faced on this god-forsaken planet. Consecutive imbroglios have beleaguered my opportunities and yet I still have a panoply of tricks up my sleeve to abscond the despondent strangle-hold I feel on a quotidian basis. Constantly reminding myself to laugh and enjoy life has been a major weapon against the sadness and depression my pathology is drawn towards.

One must be burned by the flame to know that the delusion of beauty is the greatest trick of all; do not go into the light for your life will immolate. I offer myself life-lines of hope and happiness to stave off the surrounding invaders of despair. I quell my pain with laughter. And although seemingly insane at times, I still laugh to myself… out-loud… diabolically. And in the words of the late heath ledger as the joker, “why so serious?!”

what could it be

I lie still
My mind in dis array
Do I love you?
Or do I hate?
My mind says a thing
While the heart another
My heart beats for you
My mind cries to kill
I lie undecided
Unsure of thee
Surely, love hasn't come my way
But yet what could it be?
I close my eyes and see thee
I see it is true
Love has touched me
or what has?

Inside my head

I can be spontaneous. Unpredictable. Random. Three words to describe me... Am I a girl? Am I a guy? I think I'm both. I play both parts, perfectly at that. more of a girl though. I'm better at confusing than I am at convincing. I'm young, some say I look old. I'm not sure. I know I'm nigerian. I know I live in nigeria. I don't know what state. I'm getting things mixed up, please let's move on.

This is my thought dump, my mind trash. Its about what goes on in my life. Emotions I feel and the things I experience. Life as I see it. Love as I know it. Music my inspiration. Insanity a part of me.

I have been inspired by some other bloggers, many who have been in blogville for years. I used to write a lot. In pages of books and scraps of papers. Which would eventually disappear... I needed a reference, something I could go back to when my brain goes in an uproar and my mind goes blank. Missing pages dint help much.

I'm not very good with silence, I just don't know why. So please, leave a comment or two. And if you don't mind follow too. :)

Love,
Chocolate diva.