useless

i feel wasted, i feel like i have no value. i feel unserious and useless. i'm in my room doing nothing when i should be in school. i don't know when that desire to school in me died and i won't blame my circumstance on the devil, and i wont say i'm a victim because i am not. Everything i do, i do it cuz i want to and this is not different. but i do not know why i just suddenly lost interest in everything related to my schooling.

This is a terrible thing, i wouldn't want to be a useless person in future, i wouldn't want to be a liability to anyone. i wouldn't want to be looked at as shit. Every time, i lie on my bed my eyes closed but i'm still conscious and i know i should be studying, but i never do. instead i just pick up something foolish to do. i want to call it a curse, i want to say that my enemies are at work. i believe they are.

if someone asked me "when was the last time you went to the chapel?" i would have no answer because i can not remember. My mum is a strong believer in God. She always encourages me to pray which i never do. Now i'm having a rethink, i need God in my life. I need him to help me and to be my guide and my comforter. i need Jesus to save me from this spirit. I want to pray, i need to. but when ever i kneel and open my mouth, nothing comes out. i'm going to keep trying. so help me God