I like him, but he's dating her

Its been close to a year since my pathetic 'relationship' came to a grateful end. And for the first time since then, I think I'm starting to like someone. I like the feeling though, but I'm scared as well.

We are just friends, for now..... He's really cool and fun to hang out with. He's funny and we are free with each other. He says he really really likes me, BUT he has a girlfriend *sigh* annoying right?

Anyways, we went to the movies today, and all I could think of throughout was sitting on his lap all cuddled up, kissing and him touching my soft skin and getting turned on just by the feel of it. My mind wanders a lot yeah, can't help it x) .

On the drive back to my apartment, he said he would love to kiss me and asked if he could. I said no, though that was what had been on my mind all evening, a whole lot more than that actually, I wish he had just grabbed me and kissed me without asking, I fucking hate questions mahn! I wouldn't have stopped him. If he had put his hands under my shirt and touched me, I wouldn't have stopped him. If he had taken off my bra and sucked my nipples, I wouldn't have stopped him. But he didn't, and I was left unsatisfied and horny! Quite frustrating yeah *breathes out*

We still talked later on after we parted. I donno, but with every passing second I like him even more. I remember asking him if he could date two girls, and he said he never had and never thought he would. He said he could just have the other girl as a "close friend" cuz calling her the 'side chick' would be disrespectful. Yeah, of course!. And I know if we start having something, I would be that "close friend" and I don't want to be that girl , so now I don't know what to do. I should just bury the feelings up inside right? Yeah, that's what I would do *deep sigh* see why I hate emotions?!



Bloggers note: please forgive all improper words used and all ... woteva bleh! My mind isn't here jor....

Have I really changed?

I got a call from my best friend last night,
And this was the first thing she said to me.;

BFF : "Chocolate, you have changed.

Me : how?
BFF : I don't know, you've just changed. Just like Kevin.
said you would
(Kevin was our close guy friend back in high school)

I didn't understand her, but I wondered if I really had.

I'm pretty sure she said that because I hardly ever call, and I have lost contact with all my friends from high school. Its not my fault, is it? I'm in a new place now. new people, new friends, more work to be done, less time for pleasantries and catching up. Its hard to keep up with all of them due to a lot of things.

Though I feel really bad that I haven't been able to keep up with everyone, but I can't do everything at once. I can't face college , and college friends, and at the same time keep in touch with high school friends.

But the questions still remains; have I really changed? Have I become that person I never expected? Have I turned into that uncaring and unfriendly person people said I would turn into?. I hope not, I hope it isn't true. I hope my friend was not serious when she said that. It would be terrible if it were true. I sincerely hope it isn't