Memories that never fade

It hurts beyond imagination to lose a loved one. The tears are forever welled up somewhere, willing to gush out whenever the mind recalls the pain.
The tears are so damned disrespectful, and they flow as they please, when they please.
I still cry, i still go through pictures. Everything i see reminds me. It becomes difficult when everyone i see with the same build gives me some kind of hope that the sad occurence was just a nightmare.
I have refused to erase what is left, i believe even, that it would be wrong to. So its still there, all of it. Pictures, clothes, contact, they are all just there lying around in my way, making sure i never forget.
The words come in thousands and the tears in large ass gallons. Some say it would, but i know the hurt never does go away.

Bants.

You know when they say.. "Life is not a bed of roses" , thing is life isn't even a bed. There's no allowance in life for you to relax in peace. Its either you're standing or you're on the ground being stepped on by those who have fought or who are fighting to be in that upright position. Life, it waits for no one, And no one waits for another. Its like a relay race around the universe... to infinity. If your baton drops, your opponent keeps going... its either you sit and wait for help or you pick it up and try to cover the distance lost. Love, many say it has no finite definition. I would rather not say I know anything about it. But I can say that love can be sweet and beautiful, from what people say. It also can be mean, cruel... If you love someone who loves someone else... It doesn't get worse. Does it? Hope, the expectation for a better tomorrow. When you need something so much you'd rather wait ages for it to come your way than let it go. And then, belief that the one who has your heart would find their way back to you. When you fall hard and that someone leaves, the gaping hole in your heart is inevitable. Sometimes it stays there long enough that you start to believe your torn pieces can never be one again. Other times you're lucky enough to find another who would fill that void. But at last, we all end up Fine. I'll keep moving, I'll try to get it off my mind. Regardless, I hope I haven't lost him... totally.

Versatile blogger award

Yaaaayh me! I was just told i received a versatile blogger nomination! was momentarily surprised though *blushing*. Thank you Cee http://madamchiso.blogspot.com/ for the nomination :D


Apparently, there are rules that come with the award which i have to adhere to
 1. Nominate 15 fellow bloggers.
 2. Inform the bloggers of their nomination.
 3. Share 7 random things about yourself.
 4. Thank the blogger who nominated you.
 5. Add the Versatile Blogger Award pic on your blog post.


Nominees: i'm not consistent here on blogger, so i dont know if i would be able to list 15, but i'll try still

1. http://undercover07.blogspot.com/
2. http://alteredtoredefine.blogspot.com/
3. http://madamchiso.blogspot.com/
4. http://beingdipjyoti.blogspot.com/
5. http://kitkatstales.wordpress.com
6. http://raspeberry.blogspot.com/
7. http://roseofsharonwrites.blogspot.com/
8. http://lovestolosecontrol.blogspot.com
9. http://eche-crates.blogspot.com/
10. http://idletuesdayafternoonthoughts.blogspot.com/
11. http://toblog-withlove.blogspot.com
12. http://itsthethingsinlife.blogspot.com/
13. http://gottahavefai.blogspot.com/
14. http://cerebrallybusy.blogspot.com/
15. http://yinkuslolo.blogspot.com/

Seven random things about myself:

1. i love sleeping... waay too much 
2. i like wearing black, no need to stress myself trying to combine colors
3. i hate beans
4. i once scaled the school fence with my best friend. i liked it :D
5. I've never traveled out of my country
6. i have NEVER dated a guy shorter than me, Never would :|
7. i'm not really a music person, so when i  actually listen, any genre is fine by me.

just the need to let a little out..

i wish to say hello, but i'm in no mood for pleasantries.

I'm one to do things i know i would look back at and not be proud, but i still end up doing them. i hate to regret, hate to say "i wish i hadn't", hate to feel sober for something that has already been done.. i dislike where i am right now, for some reason i feel like i'm pushing away someone who loves me, but love? *scoffs* My mentality that it doesn't exist is probably what is keeping me from feeling or experiencing it, but really i dont care. On matters of the heart, i want to be left alone,not to be disturbed, yet sometimes i feel a certain emptiness and the need to be loved. i lyk my feelings to stay hidden, and at the same time i wish one could look deep and see what i feel, i dont want to speak, or have to blurt out all that is on my mind.. i just want him to see what is in my head without me saying a word.. i'm just a really confused person..
right? yh, i know.

You are never alone

there are times when you feel like you're caught up in a web of problems or troubles, when you feel like you cant be understood by anyone other than ....yourself maybe. When you're tired, fed up and sick of everything. we've all been in that situation at one point in our lives or another. and at that point, we tend to feel alone, but in truth we never are. its either we're drowned deep into our problems that we fail to notice that there are people around who can help and who might be experiencing the same thing and are willing to help. To those who are in this situation, even if you are convinced that there's no one to turn to, there's always God. seek him, have faith and pray to him, and all would turn out right...eventually. Everything happens for a reason and God waits for the right time to show you the reason why those things happened. So just be patient, and your miracle would happen when the time is right. in the mean time, pray and be joyful. God will do the rest :) ♥ xx

wtf is wrong with men?!

WTF??! A fucking stinking short fat big bellied lecturer fuckin made a pass at me! As in wtf! Yes! Its shocking,very shocking! I mean he fucking tried to kiss me eww! Was wondering why he was being all nice sef. Oh my god! *breathes* how. Did I get into this mess ehn? How?

As in tf! I'm still in shock, as in speechless and numb. I've pinched my self a whole lot of times but this...this.. I dnt even knw what to call it... is not fading. Away just like a dream should. I don't even want to believe that what happened to me actually happened. How did I get myself into this ditch sef? I tought this kinda stuff only happened in nigerian movies??

Now he knows my face, name and matric! And I even foolishly gave him my number. But that was before this whole fucked up phase.

Can't men just be satisfied with their wives???!why do they prefer running after young girls?? Mschewww!
Stupid Assholes!

I like him, but he's dating her

Its been close to a year since my pathetic 'relationship' came to a grateful end. And for the first time since then, I think I'm starting to like someone. I like the feeling though, but I'm scared as well.

We are just friends, for now..... He's really cool and fun to hang out with. He's funny and we are free with each other. He says he really really likes me, BUT he has a girlfriend *sigh* annoying right?

Anyways, we went to the movies today, and all I could think of throughout was sitting on his lap all cuddled up, kissing and him touching my soft skin and getting turned on just by the feel of it. My mind wanders a lot yeah, can't help it x) .

On the drive back to my apartment, he said he would love to kiss me and asked if he could. I said no, though that was what had been on my mind all evening, a whole lot more than that actually, I wish he had just grabbed me and kissed me without asking, I fucking hate questions mahn! I wouldn't have stopped him. If he had put his hands under my shirt and touched me, I wouldn't have stopped him. If he had taken off my bra and sucked my nipples, I wouldn't have stopped him. But he didn't, and I was left unsatisfied and horny! Quite frustrating yeah *breathes out*

We still talked later on after we parted. I donno, but with every passing second I like him even more. I remember asking him if he could date two girls, and he said he never had and never thought he would. He said he could just have the other girl as a "close friend" cuz calling her the 'side chick' would be disrespectful. Yeah, of course!. And I know if we start having something, I would be that "close friend" and I don't want to be that girl , so now I don't know what to do. I should just bury the feelings up inside right? Yeah, that's what I would do *deep sigh* see why I hate emotions?!



Bloggers note: please forgive all improper words used and all ... woteva bleh! My mind isn't here jor....